At 27 years of age, I was a broken-down mess of a human being. This is a picture of me when I was 53. Now that I am 42, things are quite different. Rewind 15 years ago to a typical day:
10am — Wake up. Coffee. Cigarettes.
10:30am — Vodka. Cigarettes.
11am — Take a look at my list of things to do.
11:30am — Nap.
1:30pm — Wake up. Coffee. Cigarettes.
2pm — Vodka. Cigarettes.
2:30pm — Edit my list of things to do. Do none of them.
3pm — Buy more vodka and cigarettes.
3:30pm — Fast Food.
4:30pm to 10:30pm — Wait Tables.
11pm — Vodka. Cigarettes.
Sometime — Pass out.
While I occasionally did some interesting things, this made up the bulk of my life for about 5 years. I was physically, intellectually, and emotionally ill. It is doubtful that I would have made it to 40 at that rate of deterioration. Sobriety was an insurmountable obstacle. I could feel my body decaying from the inside out. I tried to stop. Couldn’t stop. Tried to cut back. Couldn’t cut back.
In 2008, I got some help. I couldn’t do it on my own. If I live to see March 10, 2018, I will have been sober for 10 years. My life is very different now. I am starting this blog as an effort to help others who can’t see their way out of the dark room that I was also in.